Unveiling the Top Reason Why Moms Lose Their Sense of Purpose and How to Reclaim It
Feeling lost in motherhood? Discover how reconnecting with your values can help you find clarity, purpose, and fulfilment in your life again.
“What Happened to the Woman I Used to Be?”
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “What happened to the woman I used to be?” It’s a question many mums find themselves asking at some point. Maybe you used to feel vibrant, confident, and connected to a sense of purpose, but now it feels like every part of your life revolves around motherhood. Don’t get me wrong… being a mum is one of the most beautiful and fulfilling roles in the world. But it can also be all-consuming, leaving little room for anything else.
You love your kids deeply, and you’d do anything for them, but that doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes feel… lost. Maybe you’ve noticed small signs of this disconnect: you don’t light up the way you used to when talking about your passions, your days feel like an endless to-do list, or you struggle to remember what truly makes you happy outside of parenting.
If this resonates with you, you’re far from alone. In fact, it’s incredibly common for mums to feel disconnected from their purpose after years of prioritizsng everyone else’s needs. It doesn’t mean you’re failing or that you don’t care… it simply means you’ve lost touch with the parts of yourself that matter most.
Here’s the thing: the demands of motherhood often leave us running on autopilot. Between school drop-offs, meal prep, and bedtime routines, there’s little time left to reflect on what makes us feel alive and fulfilled. Over time, this leads to a subtle (or sometimes glaring) gap between the life we’re living and the one we dream of.
But here’s the good news: you can start to close that gap. Reconnecting with your sense of purpose isn’t about making drastic changes or overhauling your entire life overnight. It’s about getting back to basics and uncovering the values that make you uniquely you.
Your values are the foundation of who you are. They guide your decisions, shape your priorities, and determine what gives your life meaning. When you lose touch with them, life starts to feel overwhelming and unfulfilling. But when you realign your actions with your values (even in small ways) you begin to feel like yourself again.
Let’s uncover the root cause of this disconnect and, more importantly, explore how you can take the first steps toward finding your purpose again.
Why Mums Feel Disconnected From Their Purpose
The number one reason so many mums feel disconnected from their purpose is that they live out of alignment with their core values. Let me explain what this means—and why it matters so much.
Your values are like your internal compass. They’re the principles and priorities that guide your decisions, shape your daily choices, and define what a fulfilling life looks like for you. Values give your life direction, anchoring you in what truly matters. When your actions and lifestyle align with those values, you feel confident, purposeful, and whole. But when they don’t? That’s when things start to feel off.
Here’s the thing: when we become mums, it’s completely natural for our focus to shift. Our kids become our world, and their needs take centre stage. While this is one of the most beautiful parts of motherhood, it often comes at the cost of neglecting what fuels you. Over time, this leads to a subtle (or sometimes glaring) disconnect between the life you’re living and the life that lights you up.
For example:
Imagine creativity is one of your core values. Maybe you used to paint, write, or experiment with new ideas, but now your days are consumed by laundry, meal prep, and trying to keep up with everyone’s schedules. It’s no wonder you feel unfulfilled… there’s no room for creativity in your daily routine.
Or let’s say adventure is something that excites you. You used to love exploring new places or trying new things, but now life has become predictable and routine. If you’re not honouring that adventurous side of yourself, you’re bound to feel stuck and uninspired.
It’s not that motherhood inherently “takes” your purpose away. Instead, it’s the way we lose ourselves in the busyness and demands of parenting. We get so caught up in everyone else’s needs that we stop checking in with our own.
Over time, this creates a gap… a life filled with activities and responsibilities that don’t reflect the things that make you feel alive. The result? A sense of disconnection, a lack of fulfilment, and that nagging question: “Where did my purpose go?”
But here’s the good news: this isn’t permanent. By reconnecting with your values and realigning your life with them, you can begin to bridge that gap and rediscover a sense of purpose, starting today.
What Are Values (And Why Do They Matter)?
Let’s start with the basics: what exactly are values?
Values are the principles, beliefs, and qualities that matter most to you. They’re the invisible drivers behind what makes you feel fulfilled, what motivates your actions, and what brings meaning to your life. While values can vary widely from person to person, they often include things like connection, growth, creativity, adventure, stability, or contribution. They’re deeply personal and unique to you.
When you live in alignment with your values (meaning your daily actions, choices, and lifestyle reflect what’s most important to you), you feel purposeful, energised, and authentic. Life feels meaningful because you’re living in a way that honours who you truly are.
But here’s the flip side: when your life doesn’t align with your values, things start to feel “off.” You may feel overwhelmed, stuck, or like you’re simply going through the motions without joy or fulfilment. This is because the gap between what you value and how you’re living creates a sense of internal tension.
Think of your values as the foundation of a house. When the foundation is strong and steady, everything else stands securely on top. But when that foundation cracks (when you’re living out of alignment with your values) it’s like trying to balance on shaky ground. Over time, things can start to crumble, leaving you feeling disconnected and unsure of your next steps.
Let’s break it down with an example:
Imagine one of your core values is connection. You thrive on meaningful relationships, deep conversations, and spending quality time with loved ones. But lately, your days are packed with endless to-do lists, and the only conversations you’re having are about homework, chores, or what’s for dinner. That value of connection is being neglected, and as a result, you start to feel unfulfilled or even lonely.
Or maybe your value is growth. You love learning new things and challenging yourself, but your life has become so routine that you can’t remember the last time you read a book or tried something new. It’s no wonder you’re feeling stuck.
Values matter because they anchor you. They remind you of what’s truly important and give you a sense of direction. When you build your life on them (when you align your actions with your values), you create a life that feels intentional, purposeful, and uniquely yours.
How to Reconnect With Your Values (And Start Finding Your Purpose)
Now that we’ve identified the problem (the disconnect between your daily life and your core values), let’s talk about the solution. Reconnecting with your values is the first step toward intentional living and rediscovering your purpose. This doesn’t mean making huge, sweeping changes overnight. Instead, it’s about making small, intentional shifts that align your life with what truly matters to you.
Here’s how to get started:
Step 1: Reflect on Your Core Values
The first step to reconnecting with your values is identifying what they are. These are the principles and qualities that make you feel most alive, fulfilled, and aligned with yourself.
To uncover your values, start by reflecting on moments in your life when you felt the happiest, most fulfilled, and truly yourself.
Ask yourself:
What was I doing during that time?
Who was I with?
What qualities or values were present?
For example, if you felt your happiest while creating art, writing, or designing something, creativity is likely one of your core values. If your fondest memories are centred around meaningful conversations or quality time with loved ones, connection might be at the top of your list.
If you’re struggling to get started, consider using a guided journal or workbook designed to help you identify your core values. These tools can provide prompts and structure, making the process easier and more insightful.
Step 2: Evaluate Your Current Life
Once you’ve identified your values, it’s time to take an honest look at your current life. Are your daily actions and routines aligned with the things that matter most to you? If not, where are the gaps?
Example:
If adventure is a core value, but your days are filled with predictable routines and errands, you may feel stuck or uninspired.
If personal growth is important to you, but you haven’t picked up a book, taken a course, or tried something new in months, it’s time to prioritize learning again.
This step isn’t about criticizing yourself… it’s about gaining clarity. By identifying areas where your life isn’t aligned with your values, you can start to make intentional changes that bring you closer to the life you want to live.
Step 3: Start Small – Honor One Value This Week
Reconnecting with your values doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start small by choosing just one value to focus on this week.
Examples:
If creativity is a value, set aside 30 minutes to paint, write, cook a new recipe, or try something creative that excites you.
If connection is important, schedule a coffee date with a close friend, plan a family game night, or dedicate some time to having a meaningful conversation with someone you love.
If adventure excites you, plan a weekend hike, visit a new café, or take a different route on your morning walk to explore a new part of your neighbourhood.
These small, intentional actions will start to bring more alignment into your life. Over time, they’ll add up, creating a ripple effect that brings more purpose and fulfilment into your days.
Step 4: Revisit Your Values Regularly
Life is constantly changing, and so are our priorities. What felt important five or ten years ago might not feel as relevant today. That’s why it’s essential to check in with yourself and revisit your values regularly.
Set aside time every few months to reflect on your current values. Ask yourself if they’ve shifted or evolved, and evaluate whether your life is still aligned with them. Think of it as a personal check-in… a chance to recalibrate and make adjustments as needed.
How to make this a habit:
Use a planner or calendar to schedule regular reflection sessions. For example, you could dedicate one evening every quarter to journaling about your values and life alignment. This intentional practice will help you stay grounded and connected to your purpose, no matter how busy life gets.
Why This Matters
When you take the time to reconnect with your values and align your life with them, you’re not just improving your own well-being… you’re creating a ripple effect that impacts everyone around you. You’ll show up as a more patient, fulfilled, and joyful version of yourself, which benefits your family and sets an example for your children about what it means to live an intentional, purpose-driven life.
Remember, reconnecting with your values isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Start with one small step, and watch how it transforms the way you live, parent, and show up in the world.
Living in Alignment With Your Values: The Key to Purpose
When you begin to live in alignment with your values, you’ll notice a profound shift in how you experience life. Tasks that once felt draining or mundane—like preparing meals, tidying up, or even navigating daily challenges—may start to feel more meaningful. Why? Because you’re no longer just going through the motions. You’re living with intention, making choices that reflect what truly matters to you.
For example, if connection is a core value, family dinner might shift from being just another chore to a cherished time for meaningful conversations. If creativity is important, even small acts like rearranging your home or trying a new recipe can feel energizing.
That doesn’t mean life becomes perfect. Motherhood will always be messy and unpredictable, but when you’re clear on your values, you’ll approach challenges with greater clarity, confidence, and resilience. Instead of feeling like life is happening to you, you’ll feel empowered to steer the course in a way that aligns with who you truly are.
How This Translates to Motherhood
There’s a pervasive myth in motherhood: to be a good mum, you must sacrifice your entire self. But here’s the truth: the more connected you are to your own purpose, the better you’ll show up for your family.
When you live in alignment with your values, you parent with more patience, joy, and presence. You feel less reactive and more intentional, creating a calmer, more connected atmosphere for your family.
This alignment also sets a powerful example for your children. When they see you honouring your values—whether that’s by pursuing a passion, prioritizing quality time, or engaging in self-care—they learn that it’s okay to prioritize themselves, too. You’re showing them what it looks like to live a fulfilling, purposeful life.
Motherhood isn’t about losing yourself. It’s about growing into the fullest version of who you are—both as a mum and as an individual.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your purpose, here’s your reminder: it’s never too late to start. Begin by uncovering your values and taking small, intentional steps to honour them.
To help you get started, I’ve created When Calm is Contagious, a 30-minute audio guide designed to help you find your inner calm… even in the chaos of everyday motherhood. Whether your kids are fighting, shouting "Mom!" for the hundredth time, or pulling at you during a call, this guide will teach you how to respond with patience and presence, creating a ripple effect of peace that transforms your family dynamics.
For those ready to take things further, my Ultimate Parenting Reset program is here for you. This is a transformative program for mums ready to reclaim calm, confidence, and fulfilment. Through the PPP Method (Priorities, Positivity, and Passion) you’ll reset your mindset, time management, and purpose to show up as the calm, connected mum and vibrant individual you aspire to be. DM me ‘RESET’ on Instagram to get started.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood may shift your priorities, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. By reconnecting with your values, you can start living a life that feels intentional, fulfilling, and uniquely yours.
You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to make a change. Start small, take one step, and watch how it transforms your life. You’re worth it—and so is your purpose.