A new baby in the home is a major change for everyone, and probably even more so for your first child. Here are some tips to make this monumental transition easier on your little one.

Children are so used to things being a certain way at home, used to getting all the attention and having all their books and toys to themselves. Tantrums and other forms of emotional outbursts are to be expected as your little one learns to deal with this monumental change in their lives. Sleep and potty training regressions are not uncommon manifestations of the stress that a new baby puts on a toddler or preschooler.

Luckily, as parents, there are are several things we can do to make this transition a little easier. Remember, we are trying to be compassionate and help our child deal with their emotions, not suppress them. Their feelings are as valid as ours are.

• Involve them in the pregnancy

We told our son, then 3 years old, about our pregnancy as soon as we cleared the 12 week mark. Telling them early gives them time to process the impending changes slowly and steadily. There are some great books we read to Ryaan to help him understand the baby’s development in my womb. He had a lot of questions and we did our best to answer them factually, without overwhelming him.

Nine Months by Miranda Paul

Baby on the Way by SEARS

We openly discussed the baby and my pregnancy, and he loved coming up to my belly to feel the baby’s movements. He would often come and kiss my belly and tell me that he loves the baby. The one thing we tried not to do was to force him to talk about the baby. We only discussed it when he wanted to do so.

• Get them involved in care of the baby

We got Ryaan an anatomically correct male doll when he was much younger. We brought it out a few weeks before the baby was due to arrive. He enjoys giving the baby doll a bath in the sink, and then drying it and getting it dressed.

This can be set up as a shelf activity, with water access and some bath essentials. We live in an apartment where space is limited, so we just let him ‘bathe the baby’ in the bathroom sink whenever he asked for it.

This helped to set the stage for actually helping out during diaper changes and bath time now that Dayna is here. At 3.5, Ryaan is old enough to help with small tasks like filling a jug with water, putting cotton balls in it and squeezing out the water, passing the diaper cream and putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Being involved in care of the baby makes him feel important and needed, and doesn’t make him feel neglected.

• Involve them in preparing the baby’s environment

  We tried our best to involve Ryaan your when shopping for the baby’s items or when assembling furniture for the baby. Since this is our second baby, there wasn’t much shopping to be done since we had kept most things from the first time. We always gave Ryaan the option to help out when we assembled items for the baby, such as the bassinet and changing table.

  Another lovely idea is to get your older child to paint some high contrast artworks, which can be added to the baby’s movement area. Here is a great blog post about such an activity.

  Dayna really enjoys looking at the high-contrast paintings made by her brother in her movement area.

• Keep their routines as consistent as possible

  Things definitely change with a new baby in the house, but keeping to Ryaan’s general routine has really helped him to feel secure. In the months leading up to the baby’s arrival, we were in isolation to minimize the risk of any one of us contracting COVID-19. Since he started working from home, my husband, Johnny, has been putting Ryaan to bed every night. Once Dayna came along, Ryaan was already used to dad putting him to bed so it was one less change.

  We also kept his basic routine the same, like meal times and bedtime routines, so that he has some consistency in his day. If this means working the baby’s feeds around or enlisting additional help from family members, then that’s what we do.

• Plan special time with your older child

  This is something I had plans to do, but 10 days after having the baby, we have yet to establish consistent special time together. Since Dayna has arrived, my mother has been staying with us and helping out, so Ryaan’s mealtimes have (mostly) been with her. I try to join him for mealtimes, or read to him while Dayna naps. Hopefully as Dayna gets older and settles into her own routine, and I recover from the delivery, I will be able to better schedule one-on-one time with Ryaan.

• Help them through the big feelings

  Having done all of the things above, Ryaan still has some pretty big feelings about the new addition to the family. We do our best to let him have these big feelings without being judged. His room is a safe space for him to go to, to calm down. I offer him a hug when he is ready, and that usually helps him to ride out the feeling. Once he has felt the emotion, distraction and humour often work to bring him back into himself. Turning the emotion into a funny character, for example, Whining Webster or McGrumpy, makes him laugh and helps him feel better.

So far, I have been a mum of two for less than two months, and these are the tips I have. I might have more to add as time passes and both my children get a little older.