How I Overcame Mom Guilt and Found Balance in Parenting
There was a time when I felt constantly overcome by mom guilt. I remember the heaviness that came with the thought of not doing enough or not being the “perfect mom.” Whether it was about my work-life balance or the way I ‘disciplined’ my kids, that little voice in my head always questioned my choices. Mom guilt still rears its ugly head now and then, but I have finally learned to embrace my imperfections and let go of the guilt. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably experienced it too. The weight of expectations, comparisons, and pressure can be hard to shake off, but I want to share my journey of how I overcame mom guilt and found a sense of balance.
Understanding Mom Guilt
Mom guilt doesn’t discriminate. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent or a working mom, it has a way of creeping into your thoughts. The roots of mom guilt lie in societal expectations, internal pressures, and the neverending comparisons we make with other moms (no thank you, social media). Here are a few common types of mom guilt:
Work Guilt: Feeling torn between career goals and being physically present with your children.
Self-Care Guilt: Feeling selfish for taking time for yourself.
Discipline Guilt: Worrying that your parenting style may not be effective or kind enough.
Developmental Guilt: Questioning whether you’re providing the best educational and social experiences.
My Struggle with Mom Guilt
For me, mom guilt manifested when I began to feel like I had lost myself. With the focus on being a full-time mom, I couldn't shake the feeling that my education had somehow gone to waste because I was “just a mom.” I had worked hard to gain my qualifications and career experience before becoming a parent, yet I felt like my identity was slipping away. I love my children dearly and would not have given up those early years with them for anything, but there came a point where I wanted more.
I knew I needed a change and decided to pursue my passion for Montessori education. Starting my coaching business and taking up the Montessori 3-6 diploma felt like a breath of fresh air, reinvigorating my spirit and giving me purpose. But alongside this excitement came guilt. I had to leave the kids at home three evenings a week, and I couldn’t be there to put them to bed. I also became less involved in their schools, missing out on coffee mornings and not socialising with the other parents as much.
Finding the Path to Balance
Reframing My Perspective
One of the first shifts I had to make was in my perspective. Instead of seeing myself as a flawed parent who had to live up to impossible ideals, I learned to see myself as a loving mom doing her best. I reminded myself that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth. My children didn’t need a flawless mom; they needed one who loved and supported them while being authentically herself.
I started valuing the work I was putting into my career, knowing it was an investment not only in myself but also in my family. By framing my studies as an improvement of myself rather than an “escape” from motherhood, I let go of the guilt and focused on the positive impacts my professional growth had on my children. I realised that by taking the time out for myself - for my studies and my business, I was setting a valuable example for them.
Creating Healthy Boundaries
I realised that a part of my mom guilt stemmed from a lack of boundaries. My studies often spilt over into family time, and family responsibilities took precedence over personal needs. I needed to compartmentalise and set specific times for work, family, and myself. I did this by timeboxing. This meant being fully present at work and studies during the day and in the evenings and leaving tasks behind when I was with my children. In my home life, I carved out time for self-care, even if it was just 15 minutes for a quiet cup of tea or an hour for a pilates class before getting down to work.
With my mornings and evenings taken up by classes and business commitments, I wanted to be fully present when I was with my kids. Establishing boundaries helped me ensure that our time together was intentional and meaningful.
Letting Go of Perfection
A major cause of mom guilt is the unrealistic expectation of perfection. The pressure to have a pristine house, well-behaved children, and a thriving career can be unbearable. I accepted that I couldn’t do everything perfectly and started focusing on what mattered most: my relationship with my kids. I stopped apologising for my imperfections and gave myself permission to embrace them.
Sometimes, that meant ordering takeout on particularly busy nights, skipping a few social events, or letting my kids watch an extra episode of their favourite show. I learned to see these moments not as failures but as adaptations to a dynamic life.
Embracing Montessori Principles
The Montessori approach encourages parents to trust their children’s natural development and provides practical tools for empowering kids to become independent. I learned to step back and let my children lead in their learning and play. This shift alleviated my guilt around their growth and learning because I began to see how capable they were of exploring their own interests.
By nurturing their independence, I realised that my children didn’t need my constant intervention. They thrived when allowed to explore their environment and make their own discoveries.
Focusing on Quality Time Over Quantity
I constantly worried about whether my time with my kids was “enough.” But once I started prioritising quality over quantity, the guilt dissipated. Being fully present during bedtime stories, weekend outings, or even simple conversations made a bigger difference than the number of hours spent together.
I recognised that even small rituals, like a morning cuddle or painting together on weekends, could create beautiful and lasting memories. My kids cherish these moments just as much as I do.
Setting Realistic Expectations
I had to adjust my expectations of myself and my children. Instead of striving to be a supermum who could juggle it all flawlessly, I set achievable goals. I stopped comparing myself to others on social media and focused on being realistic about what I could handle without burning out. Accepting that not every day would be a win was crucial.
Setting realistic goals also meant redefining what success looked like. Rather than focusing on making a certain amount of money from my business, I focused on the smiles of my kids and the little wins achieved each day.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Self-compassion was crucial in my journey to balance. Whenever I slipped into guilt, I would pause and ask myself, “Would I speak to a friend this way?” Then, I tried to be gentle with myself. Self-compassion helped me understand that my guilt didn’t make me a bad mom; it was a sign that I deeply cared about my children.
I began treating myself with the same kindness that I would extend to a friend. When I made a mistake, I acknowledged it, forgave myself and moved forward with renewed confidence.
If you’re dealing with mom guilt, I hope my story shows you that finding balance is possible. Here’s a recap of how you can start:
Shift Your Perspective: Remember that parenting is about growth, not perfection.
Set Boundaries: Carve out blocks of time for work, family, and yourself.
Embrace Imperfection: You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
Try Montessori Principles: Allow your children to take the lead in their learning and play.
Quality Over Quantity: Focus on meaningful moments with your kids.
Be Realistic: Don’t overwhelm yourself with unrealistic goals.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself as kindly as you would a friend.
Remember that you are not alone in your journey. Mom guilt may occasionally rear its head, but you can face it with compassion and a growth mindset. We’re all learning, growing, and doing our best; your best is good enough.
Celebrate the small victories, seek support when you need it, and remember that your children are so lucky to have you as their parent. Let’s continue this journey together and find the joy, balance, and fulfilment that parenting has to offer.
What strategies have helped you navigate mom guilt? Let’s support each other by sharing our stories in the comments.